Secrets of Successful Networking

Life has an ironic sense of humor.

There was a phase in my early days of coaching that the mere thought of networking had me... 

Paralyzed.

Procrastinating.

Puking.

(For the record, I never did puke, but there were times when the thought crossed my mind :))

And now, here I am telling you the secrets of successful networking. 

Lol.

Why All This Fuss?

If you've ever thought about changing jobs, moving up internally or increasing your visibility in the industry, you've heard this before:

“You’ve got to get out there and network.”

And then, the thought passed and you got back to work.

It's no surprise that it's the first thing to drop to the last thing because

Networking can feel awkward, forced, exhausting, time sucking or like one more thing on your already overflowing to-do list.

But there's a reason I'm dedicating an entire newsletter post to this topic.

Whether you’re leveling up, switching industries, launching a business, or future-proofing your career, you’ll need people who have your back—colleagues, mentors, allies, sponsors, insiders and of course, friends.

If you're not sure where to start, this post will give you the secrets of successful networking while avoiding the angst.

Let's Start with the Numbers:

Janelle, one of my first career coaching clients, came into a session teetering between tears and rant.

When I asked her how the job search was going, the floodgate opened:

"I've applied to 30 - THIRTY - jobs in the last two weeks. And the ONLY response I got was one lame 'thank you for your application'. I spent hours putting together those applications. I thought the resume we worked on was really good. Am I really that undesirable? What the h*ll is going on?"

I was floored. 

After the session was over, I immediately dug into what the h*ll was going on. 

And I quickly found the answer:

• 70% of jobs are never posted publicly.

• 67% of recruiters say referrals speed up hiring and cut costs.

• 80% of professionals believe networking directly boosts career success.

• 250 is the average number of applicants for a corporate job 
• 3% is the average applicant-to-interview ratio for online applications. 
• 73% of survey respondents said they were hired because of a connection.

• Up to 85% of roles are filled through networking.

Let that last stat linger for a moment.

Eighty five out of every 100 jobs are filled through networking

You don't have to be a data analyst to see the reality in those numbers.

My client mentioned above? She was applying, not networking. And when the average corporate job has 250 applications, with only 3% invited to interview, you can quickly see why the cold approach is way less effective.

Although the numbers above are primarily related to the external job search, the same principles can be applied to seeking internal promotions or industry speaking opportunities.

Let's start by addressing the elephant(s) in the room:

Even if we know networking works, why don't we do it?

Networking Saboteurs

Intellectually, we know that we need to networking. But even the smartest leaders sabotage their own networking game—without realizing why. 

I've decided to name these saboteurs because it's easier to identify with the one(s) that might be holding you back - and because we can have a little fun with an oft overly-serious subject.

❌ The Taker

Networking isn’t a 911 call. If you only reach out when you need something, or when you're in a career crisis, you won’t get far. The mistake here is that The Takers are only thinking about their needs. While it might be logical to reach out to a past colleague when there's a job opening at their company it's important to think about how this action will be received. I can give you the spoiler here: Not Well. The person on the receiving end may feel used and thus will have no reason or motivation to help you. The best networkers think relationship not transaction. Giver, not Taker.

❌ The Generalist

Vague “let’s get together” communication doesn’t create action. If you want people to hear you, you need clarity, purpose and specificity for the other person to understand how they can help or why they should care. Another tip here is to prepare and be concise with your ask. A word of warning for you MBTI intuitives out there - you have a tendency to stay big picture, tell stories and talk in generalities. This is a superpower in may ways, but not-so-much in kickstarting networking. Saying "Hey, I'd really like to learn more about the role you're in. Are you free for a quick 20-min catch-up call next week?" is more specific and moves you in the direction you want to go. 

❌ The Introvert

Being an introvert is not a networking saboteur. But your preference for solo time over social (or stranger) time is. Social anxiety can be a real deterrent. Overwhelmingly, my introverted clients avoid or straight up hate networking altogether. It's draining. If you're an introvert, you may need a different strategy. Tap into your bigger WHY behind networking. Take time to prepare or role play what you want to say. Think 1:1 versus big events. Get introductions from trusted friends or colleagues. Reframe 'networking' to 'connecting' or 'learning'. The important thing to remember is while your default might be to resist conversations with people you don't know well, you can channel your inner extravert when needed. Just be sure to build downtime to recoup your energy after you're done.

❌ The Future Caster

Networking can be nerve-wracking for many people, and it's common to have fears - fears of rejection, worry that people won't like you, they'll judge you or that they won't want to help you. The common theme in all these fears is a default story you've made up in your mind about what might happen. This is future casting. Our brains have a tendency to predict worst case outcome, and along with this comes the fear-based stories we create in our minds. Your ability to come back to the present moment is the first step in making networking a much easier process. If fear comes up, pause. You have the ability to change the story based on current facts versus future fiction. What if the person you're meeting is incredibly cool and has great connections or insight? It's time to find out. :)   

❌ The Hot Mess

When you're looking for a new job, want to be more visible internally (or externally), you need to approach networking intentionally and consistently. The "where did we say we were going to meet?" or "so sorry I'm 15 minutes late" or last-minute "I'm so slammed, can we reschedule" disorganization will not reflect well and over time can result in a reputation you may not want. Forgetting follow up is another blunder because the real networking happens after the first message. If you fall into the Hot Mess category, I get it and I've been there too. Take time to plan. Build buffer in your day. Find structures that support you. (read below for some of my favorites). And most importantly, pick a new identity that sets you up for success.

❌ The Fast Tracker

If you've ever visited Disneyland, you're probably familiar with the infamous Fastpass, now rebranded Lighting Pass. It's for those people who want to skip the wait and get to the front. While this concept works great at theme parks (and Disney has certaintly monitized this exceptionally well), it's not effective in networking. When you don't know someone or haven't developed any kind of relationship, jumping straight to “Can you refer me?” or "Would you introduce me to your CMO?" is a quick way to get ghosted. It's like asking someone to marry you on the first date - an immediate RED FLAG. Yes, there are times when being bold is an advantage. But there's a real psychological advantage of nuturing relationships: Reciprocity. If you skip from "I don't know you" to "give me a job" there's no investment in the relationship. Ideally, networking is a long game not a 'skip the line' game. 

❌ The Imposter

When you're networking with someone who has more experience, a higher title or more influence, it's easy to compare. And feel like an imposter. Another example is feeling self-promotional, egotistical and awkward talking about yourself and your achievements. But this saboteur is rooted in a (false) belief of not being good enough, smart enough, capable enough or belonging there. While imposter syndrome can feel very real, remembering that it's rooted in a false belief and narrative is a first step to moving past it.  If imposter syndrome is a common theme for you, I've got you. Check out our free training on how to overcome imposter syndrome.  

If you’re identifying with of one (or a few) of these, don’t stress. Let’s build a strategy that works for you.

Your Networking Strategy

In the plethora of career related topics to discuss, one of the most common questions is "how should I approach networking?" 

Most people approach networking in one of three ways: tentative, haphazard or spray-and-pray.

Don't be most people.

I want to share a more strategic approach to networking, and one that I hope will be motivating, effective and repeatable for you. 

Let's get started on what I call the Networking SOAP aka Networking Strategy On A Page. Feel free to download and use this template.

Step 1: Define Your Bigger Goal or Strategy

To define your bigger goal or strategy for networking, ask yourself:

“What's the outcome I want for my career right now?”

This taps in your bigger WHY, or motivation for networking. It's the reason, or purpose for ramping up your networking efforts. Some examples:

• Land a new role that provides more growth, visibility and impact

• Increasing opportunites to build my reputation as a thought leader in the industry

• Learn what internal opportunities exist to advance my career

• Finding clients, partners or collaborators for my business

• Gaining perspective and expertise to sharpen my big decision of X

Start there. Otherwise, your outreach will feel scattered and confusing.

Step 2: Identify Your Priorities & Actions

If you want to achieve the goal or strategy you've defined above, what are the most important things you need to priorize?

Thinking this way keeps you focused and out of the 'spray and pray' approach.  Some examples:

• Internal meetings with colleagues

• External meetings or calls with past colleagues, mentors, leaders

• Industry event(s) to attend

• Association memberships with shared experience or interests

Pick 2-4 priority areas that will give you the greatest traction toward your goal or strategy. But don't over extend. It's better to commit to one thing consistently than overextend yourself and tap out.

Step 3: Identify Your Measures of Success

It's sooo easy to say "I need to network more". It's less common to say "I'm going to set up 3 meetings this month with internal organizational leaders". Taking the time to get real with yourself and define your personal KPI or measure of success builds both clarity and accountability.

It takes networking from a generalized thing you'll get around to someday...to actionable progress with a clear benchmark for success.

One secret to success here: Make sure that any measurements you define are within your control. Example: don't measure success as "interview for 2 jobs". Do measure success as "meet with 10 people this quarter"

Step 4: Identify Your Resources

When I first ventured into networking, I found myself procrastinating.

For weeks.

Until I asked myself, "how can I make this easier?" What popped was the concept of an emotional or logical approach. The emotional list was where I started. It was what I defined as "my favorite people" list. These were the people who I'd worked together with in the past and was 100% certain knew, liked and trusted me. The logical list included names of decision makers who could potentially hire us but who I didn't know well. 

My favorite people list included colleagues I'd worked with years before. And to my surprise, each and every one of them immediately responded and were happy to set up time to reconnect. 

While not all of these people would or could become customers or partners, it got the ball rolling.

Networking is all about building momentum developing and nurturing relationships. Here are how you can get started in building your relationship resource list:

• Inner Circle (mentors, champions, coaches, friends, neighbors, people who’ve advocated for you)

• Warm Network (former colleagues, peers, your kid's friends parents, association or board colleagues, clients, past collaborators)

• Aspirational (Cold) Contacts (industry leaders you admire, leaders you follow on social, podcast hosts or guests, speakers, etc.)

If you find yourself hesitating with networking, start with the first two buckets before you aim for cold outreach. 

What to Say 

I did a poll on LinkedIn a while back asking my network what their #1 concern was with networking and what stopped them from doing it. Want to know the answer?

65% of these experience, accomplished leaders who ran teams and organizations admitted “I don’t know what to say.”

Let’s fix that.

Yes, you can absolutely resource your favorite AI provider. In the meantime, here's a simple conversation frame for making the initial contact:

• “Hi Taylor, your post on career transitions hit home—I’m navigating one myself. If you're open to it, I’d love to ask you 2-3 questions about your move into consulting. Would you be open to a quick 20-min call this week or next?”

Tip: Make the ask tiny. A 20 minute call respects their time and is clear, simple and straightforward. And it will dramatically increase your chance of getting a "yes".  

Obviously you can adjust if it's an internal collegue you work with. Or a good friend you'd rather have a beer with. Once you've got the call or meeting set up, here's a sample script to help get you started.

Conversation framework: About Them + About You + Clear Ask:

1. Prep 2-3 questions you'd like to know about them, their role, their company or industry leadership. Starting with questions opens up the conversation, you gain valuable insight and you're tapping into a key psychology of reciprosity. 

2. Prep what you want them to know about you. If you're not sure, check out my past newsletter about how to tell and sell Your Career Story.
3. Have a simple, non threatening ask. The key part of this is non threatening. If you make a direct ask after an 18 minute conversation of "would you submit an internal recommendation & referral for me" or "are there any openings on your team" you might not have established enough trust (see the Fast Tracker saboteur, above). Instead, you can ask "who do you think would be good for me to talk to?" This is a simple and non-threatening question that's easy for people to answer.  
4. Get permission to follow up. It's entirely possible that your colleague did not have any openings or opportunities at that time. Before you wrap up the conversation, a best practice is to get permission to follow up after X period of time. Then log that date in your calendar and do it!

The Bottom Line

Start Making Networking a Habit

Networking doesn’t need to be overwhelming. Just intentional. And Consistent.

If you're actively seeking your next opportunity, leveraging the Networking SOAP template shared above will hopefully be helpful.

If you're more interested in future-proofing your career, try adding a tiny habit each week:

• Send a text to check in with a colleague you've been thinking about but haven't talked to in a while. (If you're in sync with the Universe, that person may just text you first!)

• Acknowledge a peer, manager, skip or colleague for something they did (Acknowledgement is one of the greatest forms of currency and as long as it's genuine, there can never be enough of it.) 

• Comment on 2-3 LinkedIn posts of people in your field

Remember:

The people who move fastest in their careers aren’t always the smartest or most experienced. They’re the ones who know how to build—and keep—the right relationships.

• Your network is an investment, not a favor

• You don’t need hundreds of contacts—just the right ones

• You are more valuable than you think, and people want to help. But they can’t if you don’t show up

Start small. Be intentional. And keep going. 

Your future self will thank you.

Weekly Edge

Here are three powerful strategies that will make the outreach easier and increase your response rate:

1. Your State of Being

This one’s a blind spot for most people.

If you’re feeling anxious, desperate, stuck in fear, or overwhelmed—this emotion will leak into your words, your tone, your timing. It’s subtle, but we have evolved to pick up on these subtleties. You can be especially vulnerable to a lower state during seasons of change like layoffs, career pivots, or post-job loss transitions.

So before you even send that message, check in:

• Are you centered and grounded? If not, press pause and re-center.

• Are you showing up as curious, confident, and clear—or as someone who’s needy and desperate?

Here’s how to re-center:

• Breathe: This is THE fastest way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system.

• Know your value: Remind yourself of the impact you bring. Write it down. Say it outloud if needed.

• Let go of "shoulds": The goal is connection, not perfection.

When you shift your mindset from commitment “I need them to respond” to curiosity “This is a great opportunity to learn”—the whole dynamic shifts.

2. Your Authenticity

The fastest way to get ghosted in your networking process is being vague, corporatey or boring.

People are skeptical by nature—especially when a stranger pops up in their inbox. If your message doesn’t quickly and clearly communicate who you are, what the you have in common, and why you're reaching out—you’ll get ignored.

The best practice? If possible, bring some personalization into the conversation.

Here’s what works:

• Be differentiated: Avoid the generic “I’m looking to connect” or “just exploring.” What makes you or your background unique? Add something personal. Here's a great example I recently received (and responded to!): "This is a legitimate request- no spam here, LOL!! I know these "out of the blue" emails are wild to get, so I've included my personal IG handle below so that you can see that I'm a real human and 2x Emmy-nominated Director (and tired juggling mom, ha)." 

• Be concise: One or two sentences is enough. Think one or two sentences, not a full page. Trailer, not the whole movie.

• Be practiced: Try it out on a friend or coach. Get feedback. Tighten the message until it feels authentic and personal to you.

And let’s be clear—don’t make up stories in your head about why someone hasn’t responded. Ghosting often has more to do with their inbox chaos than your worth.

3. Your Circle of Control

It's normal to feel angst or uncertainty with networking. You can't control whether someone will or won't respond or whether they'll like you or if there's even an opportunity that might be interesting.

The solution is to stay inside the circle that you can control:

• Be creative: Tailor your outreach to something specific—an article they wrote, a company they joined, a talk they gave.

• Do the research: Warm intros versus cold outreach. If you share a connection, mention it. If you’ve followed their work, say so.

• Be friendly and persistent: Assume positive intent and follow up 2-3 times with grace.

• Detach from outcome: Don’t treat one reply as a make-or-break moment. Keep planting seeds. The right ones grow.

• Think game, not chore: Remember, networking is like a relationship-building game. Play with the numbers. Find the humor in it. Be the kind of person you’d want to reply to.

Want to make sure you don’t get ghosted?

Manage your state, authenticity and focus on your circle of control.

The future you—the one who’s known, valued, and making real impact—starts with a single connection. 

You’ve got this,

—Julie

Want To Work With Us?

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